“NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE BITCH” (hangs up after 27 seconds)
To John Mayer:
“DIDN’T YOU KNOW?!?!? I WAS TO TOO YOUNG TO BE MESSED WITH. GOD. NOW YOU HAVE A SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU. THANKS FOR MAKING ME MILLIONS BITCH.”
To Taylor Lautner:
“I AM SO SORRY. OKAY. SO SORRY. I MISS YOUR TAN SKIN, YOUR EYES, YOU. JUST YEAH. WHY CAN’T IT BE DECEMBER. WHY WHY WHY- OH WAIT. IT IS. ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY.”
“HI MOM. I LOVE YOU. YOU’RE THE BEST MOM EVER, OKAY? Like, you’re literally my best friend. okay, okay. I’m going now! I LOVE YOU BYEEEE.”
“OH MY GOSH. ABBY. I MISS YOU GIRL. I WISH YOU COULD PARTY WITH ME. MEREDITH SAYS HI, SHES LIKE, SO SOFT…AND FLUFFY… im yelling? SORRY! wait, i just yelled again. whoops!”
“GRANT. OH MY GOSH. ITS REALLY YOU. HI HI HI. I LOVED PLAYING GUITAR WITH YOU ON STAGE. I MISS YOU LOTS. WE ARE BEST FRIENDS, LETS STAY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER OKAY? oh, and your hair is AWESOMEEEE. I HOPE IT DOESN’T RAIN WHERE YOU ARE, BECAUSE I KNOW HOW YOU LOVED IT SO MUCH TO PERFORM IN THE RAIN. YOU WHINED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. BUT I STILL LOVE YOU… what? okay, ill stop yelling now.”
“ELLLEEENNNN. HI. im just calling to say hi AND THAT I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE SO FUNNY, AND YEAH, JUST. WE HAVE THE BEST FRIENDSHIP EVER, besides selena and I. SHES MY FAVORITE. BUT STILL, i love you!”
“SELENA. OH MY GOSH. GIRL. HI. I WISH YOU COULDVE COME OUT TO THE BAR WITH ME. HOW’S JUSTIN?! ARE YOU GUYS GETTING MARRIED YET? I LOVE WEDDINGS, AND BALLGOWNS, ALSO, SPARKLY DRESSES….GLITTER….CATS…KITTENS…MY FANS….THE NUMBER 13….MY CATS…..THE NUMBER 13…. YOU! oh, you have to go?!… okay! TELL JUSTIN I SAY HI.”
“HEY GIRL. oh my gosh, I WISH YOU WERE HERE TO MAKE POOR DECISIONS WITH ME…. but, you do them without me all the time anyway sooooo…..”
“HEY STEPHEN, I BET YOU SEE ALL THE REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDVE CHOSE ME NOW, RIGHT? HA HA HA.”
“OH WELL LOOK WHO IT IS, ITS THE MAN STEALING WHORE. didn’t know that i always get the last word huh?! THESE CUTE SUN DRESSES I WEAR CAN ONLY HIDE SO MUCH. HOWS HAVING MY LEFTOVERS, BITCH?!”
To Meredith: (because I could totally see Taylor buying her a phone…)
“HI MEREDITH. MY SWEET LITTLE KITTY. YOU ARE SO ADORABLE, AND FLUFFY, AND I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE SO CUTE, AND FLUFFY…WAIT. I SAID THAT ALREADY, OH WHO CARES. IM TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT. EVERYONE LOVES ME. AND THEY LOVE YOU TOO. YOU ARE THE BESTEST THING THAT HAS EVER BEEN MINE. KAY BYEEEE”
To Emma Stone:
“HAY GIRL HAY. I LOVE YOU. OKAY, YOU’RE NOT LIKE EASY ‘A’ BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT…wait what? what was I even saying?! OH YEAH. I LOVE YOU. OKAY! OKAY BYE. WAIT WAIT, LETS HANG OUT MORE. k BYEEE”
To Katy Perry:
“KATY PERRY. KITTY PERRY. THE KITTY LADY. I LOVE YOU. BUT BITCH, IF YOU STEAL MEREDITH, I WILL CUT YOU… BUT I LOVE YOU, HIIII. WAIT, you need to go?! BUT THAT’LL MAKE ME SAD. WAIT, YOU’RE STEALING MEREDITH. DONT STEAL HER, ILL CRY FOREVER AND EVER. PLEASE….wait, you’re not? OKAY, I LOVE YOU. BYEEEEE”
” HI, IS THIS DREW? OH HI, STILL WOULD CHOOSE HER OVER ME, HUH? RIGHT.”
” I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. WE NEED TO HANG SOON, OKAY? OKAY. YOU ARE THE BEST BACK-UP VOCALIST EVER, OKAY? OH NO, IM CRYING AGAIN…I MIGHT EVEN WRITE A SONG, OH GOSH. LIZ, I NEED YOU!”
We would like to inform you about a disastrous development that we are currently facing.
A Chinese company wants to start an iron mine on Bangka, with the intention of mining both on the land, and just off the coast of (the Western side of) Bangka Island.
If this mining starts, then half of Bangka will turn into an open pit mining site, and the underwater mining activities will stir up so much sediment, sand, and dirt that the reefs surrounding Bangka and neighbouring Islands will all die. Even the reefs within the Bunaken National Park are not safe.
They do not have all the licenses yet to start their operation, which means we still have time to fight for our rights, our life, and most importantly for the conservation of the environment!
The resorts in the area are working together with the villagers and a local environmental organisation to try and stop this illegal activity. We have already sent a letter to the local House of Representatives to get a hearing, but so far nothing seems to happen.
As the mining company is moving fast (they want to start operating before the end of this year) we need to act quickly to have a chance to stop them. Therefore it is now time to set up this petition, so we can show the Indonesian government that they are creating a future catastrophe by allowing the mining on a small Island.
This should hopefully create more awareness within the government and should be enough to stop the mining company from getting the licence to mine.
We hope you are willing to help us preserve this beautiful piece of the world.
“I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that’s been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?”—Audrey Niffenegger (via s0nata)
“You are so young; you stand for beginnings. I would like to beg of you, dear friend, as well as I can, to have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will, gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day. Perhaps you are indeed carrying within yourself the potential to visualize, to design, and to create for yourself an utterly satisfying, joyful, and pure lifestyle. Discipline yourself to attain it, but accept that which comes to you with deep trust, and as long as it comes from your own will, from your own inner need.”
“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”—Shel Silverstein (via yogachocolatelove)